2004-07-14 - 6:32 p.m.
"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark."--Marcellus, Hamlet Act I, Scene 4
After 23 days, the "Adventures in Campland" heading has been purged from this diary. After 23 days, the job adventure that was supposed to last all summer has ended. After 23 days, everything is gone.
I have lost my summer to politics.
I have lost my summer to a bitch with an agenda. I have lost my summer to a war between factions over the governance of the camp. I have lost my summer because I was the stumbling block in the path to eliminating a more powerful victim.
Politics are like that.
Sometimes there are powers that cannot be fought with bare fists and youthful brashness. You cannot meet them head on, in daylight. They come by night and change the rules. They speak slyly and manipulate. They would sign your resignation for you, if they could. They shove you out the door with a pure-hearted smile and an undying interest in your welfare in their shriveled heart.
And when they slam the door, there is no return. Everything is gone.
You leave quietly, with brief goodbyes. You speak the official reasons for your exit in a monotone, and the real ones in an undertone. You pack quickly and drive away. You leave no trace of yourself behind--no tangible trace, anyhow. You take the money and go without a fuss.
You try not to think of the good times, the friends you will never see again.
You wonder what you're going to do, and realize that you have no idea.
Everything is gone.
I can turn to Hamlet for solace. Uplifting lines, such as "There is a special providence in the fall of a sparrow". Reassuring lines, such as "There is a divinity that shapes our ends". Encouraging lines, such as "Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't".
Words, words, words.
No words can carry the fury. No tears can convey the sorrow. No look can express the shock. No posture can portray how small you feel.
No thought can encompass the realization that everything is gone.
Something is rotten in the state of Campland. And that something I will not miss. But Campland itself I will miss, even though I know it is gone.
Everything is gone.
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